Poem #1

i felt inspired to write this poem considering what i have been through so much lately.



As I have walked in life,

Feeling lonely and lost,

So much drama around me

Not knowing what future held.


Day by Day iI held on to faith,

As I realize that im not alone.

There is someone walking with me,

Its God silently walking with you.


No matter what obstacles u been though in life,

God is always with you.

Lifting your spirits up,

Helping you along the way

When you need it or not.

Being Thankful

Ever since the minor accident yesterday, I have come to realize how much I am really thankful for my family in my life. It has never seemed important to care or realize how much they have done for us. The more I realize that they are more important to me than friends do, has made me pretty much humble and for being alive. I am so thankful for Heavenly Father's protection of Damon and me and for the gospel and my family who are becoming the friends that I'm finally realizing that families are the friends who are always there for you when friends fail to be there for you when u need them the most. I know that we arent active in the church as we like to be, but there is a time and place when everything will fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle. Damon is the most amazing husband I will ever have in this lifetime and am so thankful for him in my life and the fact that both of us are alive has made us come more closer. Ever since yesterday, I have often felt peace and a lot of comfort from the spirit. It has been a while since i have felt that and im feeling that Im finally at a point in my life that things are finally going in the right direction that me and damon been working to get at this point in our marriage.

FREAKY DEER.... STUPIDDDD

So on our way home from work when we got off at 4.. Damon was driving and we saw 2 huge deer on the road... Its the first time i ever have seen a deer up that close and first time on that freaky road.... Damon tried to swerve to avoid hitting the deer but was too close cuz we felt a minor hit and our passenger rear mirror moved and hit the window... It freaky shattered, exploding the shards of the mirror all over me and the floor and hit damon a lil bit too... We were shaken up and it scared the hell out of us... Eventually we just kept driving home.. Once we arrived home, Damon called my mom and told her what happened. Damon made me take my clothes off and go take shower cleaning up myself cuz of the glass all over me.. I felt better being clean.. So got dressed and waited for my mom to come over so we can tape up the plastic over the door so we dont get cold when we go to the offsite workshop at provo city library at 10am... Man im still shaken up some about it.. Thank god me and damon are still alive and not hurt.. Deer are so unbelievably stupid.... Anyway my mom will come over and help me clean up the broken contents of the glass in the car by vaccuming it up and etc before go to the offsite party.. What a way to start off the morning!

Taxes

Ughhh Taxes!! We just finished filing ours yesterday when Damon's mom came down from SLC to help us with it... Luckily we were able to get federal refund back , but not State.. BOOHOOOO.... this is the first time we have to pay utah taxes... 400!!!!! EEEEKK!!! Thank goodness we can pay it off soon with our paycheck since we dont have to pay mortgage til March, since our home was refinanced to 30 year fixed loan... which is sweet.. We are getting the BIGGER federal refund and will use it to pay off the debts we currently have -- i totally hate it and cant wait to freakin pay it off and be done with.... so we can relax and try save money or whatever me and damon need to do.... This year seems to be getting better for us.. maybe more better.. I can't really tell.. One thing i really need to do is get my butt off and start excerising... I know im being a baby when it come to the cold weather... hmm i need to try to excerise in the house like find a video or do stairs something like that.... I also am wishing everyone a Happy Valentines Day!!!!

Feeling a bit down....

For some reason Im feeling a little bit down .... Its interesting because sometimes friends tell me that they run into my ex friends somewhere and i get that feeling of maybe a little bit sad or jealous... I feel like i dont know what i did or do to make those ex friends hate me or not want to do anything with me... Due to a recent discovery from a friend of mine, who is friends with a ex friend that im not going to name... Its really sad how I really dont know what i did to make that certain person hate me. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever have best friends or what in the future seeing that myself is turning into a total outcast.... What I do know this is that being married has changed me for the better and gained experience and a really loving husband who is really a best friend to me.. Still, i just wish i have someone to hang out with and have fun just once a while to boost my own self esteem and feel like im worth to someone who really cares.

I feel like I have not changed much just still have the same personality even though maybe im viewed like im someone who let herself really go and not take care of herself.. maybe that might be why. Who knows? I will never know. I'm always constantly wanting to solve problems and make people happy. Maybe I please people too much....

Another feeling that i have is that if i died noone would care ( except my own family)... I realize im not exactly popular or well liked right now... I feel that im just hopeless or worthless... i guess i never see any friends try to make me feel like im worth millions or at least valued as a really good friend ... i give and give and give.. but feel like im getting nothing back.... I guess i feel like im cheap or just am being walked all over being taken advantaged of.