It has been a while since I last blogged.

Wow... It has been a while since I've blogged. Last time i checked, it was closer to my birthday. Well, It has come and gone. It was a great one.  So far as i know nothing new has been happening now that August and September has gone by. I can't believe that October is already over.  I had a pretty amazing good time with my sis Jamie and her hubby Tyler and my other sis Codi with her boyfriend Brian two weeks ago. I was over at my parents' house Friday night just basically hanging out and I got to help with cleaning out the gunk out of the pumpkins and carved one with Codi!  I even watched Mummy 2 movie with them. Saturday night was a blast. Jamie, Tyler, Codi and Brian came over to my house and we played a game of Sorry on the xbox and watched Bulletproof Monk. Damon even made really yummy buttery white cheddar popcorn.  Here, I have posted a video of the pumpkins we did that night:

Today was the most relaxing day since it was dress up day at work so i ended up wearing basically my pj pants and sweatshirt to work and it was fun seeing some people dressed up.


I can't wait for November to come, since I get to go on a mini vacation with my best friend since I'm keeping her company to her sister's wedding down in St. George.
well that's all I've got for now!

July is Almost over.... My birthday is approaching.....

Mmm.... a month has gone by since I last blogged. Im doing alright and enjoying seeing a lot of the family. July 4th weekend was a BLAST since Damon and I went to see Eclipse and got a Bella Large Cup to keep! Will post that soon as I get the chance to pix it. Then had two family parties and celebrated my birthday few weeks early with them. I dont feel weird yet since I will be hitting 28 in a week from this Sunday. Probably just another day older. MMM... Am looking forward to a relaxing weekend but cant wait for July 24th weekend since it a 3 day weekend.. Get to relax even more and celebrate my bday with my loving family. I've been enjoying talking to my bff everyday and shes fun gal to talk and laugh with. They are like family to me as well and encouraging me a lot as im working on my weight loss and etc.




Well TaDA for now!




Love,




Melanie

7 Years Anniversary.... Where did Time GO???

Man where did time go?! Today is my 7th wedding anniversary. Cant believe that we lasted this long since we got married on June 6th 2003. Im so thankful for my sweetie and for the years we have had, good or bad.  I hope we can last even more longer with kids in the picture in the near future I hope! I love you tons Damon! I know Damon loves me as well!

Sorry this is posted LATE due to busy doing other things.

~Mel~

Fun Times I've had with my best friend JaMay!

I miss my best friend. Shes the amazing friend that I will ever have! She and her little family moved to Cincinnati, Ohio to start their new lives. We've had fun times and I hope to have more new adventures with her as I come out to visit so fun since I feel like they are my family!!!! She is a sister to me and I love her kids so much so that I feel like they are mine as well. :)

Thoughts of the Day # 3

Man I havent blogged for a while since a month or so.  I've got a lot of things on my mind and theres so many things going on. There's been some good and bad.. The bad thing is we have to pay taxes and no refunds. It sucks big time. The good thing is I've reconnected with a friend and its been a fun ride so far. She helped me with getting shoes for my sister's upcoming wedding which is on March 19th. That is coming up so fast just in two weeks.. I've also received a homemade beautiful bag and Damon got a homemade wallet from my sister Misty who is currently on mission in Guatemala. I will post a pic of shoes that i bought and a pic of the bag and the wallet later.


Damon and I are still wrestling with decision about going to Bountiful just to be there for Jamie and Tyler when they are getting married in Bountiful temple and have wedding luncheon afterwards.. We will of course be there at reception which we dont have a problem with.  One thing about me and Damon is that both of us are married civilly and did not get married in the temple. We love both of our families but they need to respect our decision of civil marriage at that point which im not going to say any more.  The only reason we are having a hard time decision because of our need to work in order to keep up with bills and maintain our home. IDamon works full time and has a lot of responsibilies and he has to be there all the time in order to keep things moving. Right now he doesnt have any PTO so we cant afford to miss work and plus im part time and cant afford to take off more work because I've been missing a day almost every week which I really need to stop doing. I never knew that owning a house is a lot of responsbility but that is part of being married is to have a life that we want to live. Right now I dont feel like I'm living the active life the way i want it to be right now because Im not doing anything thats healthywise and etc. Looking over my blog posts from a year ago, i realized that im not setting my goals and achieving them like I keep saying i would do. I feel like I've really failed for the first time in my life because I cant do anything right in order to lose weight and really be happy. I sometimes get envious of others that already have the life that i want -- a family of my own, be healthy and more active, get out and see the world for what it really it is.


I guess Im not the same person that everyone knew me to be in the past -- more active, more outgoing and etc. I do know that one thing that is still same about me is my desire to help others. I find that I have compassion for others whos in a little different situation that me and it hurts me sometimes to see that but i know the feeling because i was in the same position when i was first married. I know that the first couple of years of being married can be rough but its good to learn and grow from that experience. Thats about it. Have a great week.

Lost in my own thoughts this week.....

Lately I have been finding myself lost in my own thoughts. My future, mostly and my health as well... I've had a lot of emotions hitting me especially this week. Catching up on my favorite show, The Biggest Loser... What really hit me home is that during the second and third epsiodes, seeing how much fat you can actually have in a 300 pound or more person and your own organs inside you can really have impact on your own health. Especially your "inner age". Also Bob had like 300 pounds of weights to show how miserable and tired he got all in ten minutes. He was like how can you carry that weight around??

Also the third epsiode where this girl had so much anger and etc inside her and she didnt know how to express herself. Only way you can truly start the weight loss journey is to overcome your issues that you might have had and could not bring yourself to face. Only then you can truly lose weight. Jillian had a blunt question to her, " Are you really happy?" and why not?  It hit me home because i had so many things going on and it made me really look at my own life and figure out where i really had gone wrong. I asked that question myself and I realized that i was never happy with the way I am and the way my life is going. Do I truly want to die this way? No I really dont. I realized that i have made a lot of poor choices regarding food. I also have often felt guilty for not helping Damon and supporting him on his healthy choices when i first met him when he was trying to lose weight on his own. I feel responsible for that sometimes. I know i dont make that choice for him but Ive felt i led the way. I feel like i am stuck in a rut that i dont know how or seem to get out of. I'm also trying to figure out right now, why im so angry all the time and pushing people away. Now I think about it, my negative actions  has probably driven people away or stop being friends altogether. I have tried so hard to be positive. I think that the experinces ive had have turned out bad and i think im more afraid of getting hurt and that that people ive grown closer to suddenly cut themselves off from me. I think im angry a lot because of the hurt and that im pushing people away because im afraid to lose them and do not want get any closer. Probably the worst blow i've ever had was a friend  that i've grew closer to for many years and suddenly its gone just like that. Was our friendship over the years worth that kind of loss?

I also really love my husband and I'm so grateful for him in my life. I dont know how i can get along without him because he has been there for me so many times. I know im not a perfect person to get along with, especially when i have so many issues that i need to confront and deal with. Perhaps its probably beause i've been so blinded with so much pain and hurt over the years with the friends when you already have a best friend and lover that is always there for you and will never hurt you. I guess i never really learned to actually let go of anger and pain. I know i need to get rid of that "chip" off my shoulder in order for me to be truly happy and get on with my life. Im so constantly worried about my future with questions that has often plagued me such as will i ever be able to lose weight? Will i ever be able to have kids?  Will we ever get out debt and start enjoying life? Will we ever be able to do things instead of sitting around in the house?  I think I just need step back and say okay i need to take it one day at a time.

Over the past few days, I really felt humbled when i was scanning the microfilm because you had to fix the image in order to get it right. I really have been learning the lesson of patience and i felt a little bit rewarded when things got better last night. I believe i will always constantly learn patience. This being said, i really need to apply it to my own life and im sure things will work out.


This is all i have for this week. I feel a little bit relieved that i got all of this out of my head.


~Melanie~

This is very Rare.....

Wow... last night to this morning was as expected.. Went to bed and took Damon to work. I came back home and decided to watch a little bit of tv and then take a nap and wake up at 3 am to get ready to go to work.. I did wake up at 3am but somehow i went back to sleep... What the hell... I woke up like 3:45.. i was like oh crap im going to be late.... I was out of the door and made it to work... This is just one of those rare days that im late to work.. Oh well maybe theres a lesson to be learned -- dont go to sleep LOL or just get out of the bed when alarm rings..

~Mel~